Malasadas and the people who love them

Waikiki and Manhattan are similar in a few other ways I've learned. There's a Starbucks (and an ABC Store, which is similar to 7/11) on every block (know what there actually can be two ABC Stores on the same block). The men dressed as monks, I hope that's the right term, go around trying to put bracelets on your arm so they can almost guilt you into buying them. Hip Hop songs are blasted as people drive down the street, though in Hawai'i it is rare that you hear music blaring from car windows but when you do, it's always Rap or Hip Hop. Imagine my surprise when I heard "Take Me Through There." I didn't throw a thing in a circle. It's very peaceful otherwise, they don't even honk at each other.

One of the biggest similarities, is the promenant unsheltered popuation. Very possible this is true for every major city but it's so paradoxical because for me and many others this is paradise but to them it may not be so at all. I was admittedly disillusioned during my first visit as I watched them sleep on the corners or in their tents, if they have them, lined up on the beach. It dawned on me that there is a military base here and a veterans hospital, so I'm sure that plays a big part in it. Some of them have visible mental health issues. In my heart I know I'd like to do more to help, to spread awareness. It's a reminder to not take that for granted how blessed I am, how important it is to continue to spread kindness and see them as humans not just some eye sore while I'm in my vacation bubble.

I'm feeling extra grateful today. Currently, I'm double-fisting a coconut water and a macadamia nut latte. My second of both of the day and it's just barely past noon. I really enjoy jetlag when I'm here. I'm slowly transitioning to island time but I love being up at 5 and 6AM and being on the beach before the sun rises. I've been on and off the beach all day. I almost fell asleep but something jolted me up and honestly, so happy for that because if I get a sunburn, you would have never heard the end of it.

A bird took a seat next to me and started chatting. I wonder what they were saying. I want the chisme! I was thinking more since what I wrote last night about my relationship with food. I love to eat! I just want to eat good food that's good for me. I'm used to living a life of big plates and not being able to get up until you finish everything. Or not wanting to. Fried and salty and greasy and delicious in the moment but in the long run not so. I want to live a long life, and God willing, a healthy one at that. Better now than never to learn to make these changes. I've bought cookbooks, some plant based but haven't made a thing besides cakes. I realize, as shallow as it might sound, image plays a part in the change too. I just want my thighs to stop rubbing together but know what the beach is going to get whatever body I have under this skirt.

Today's swimsuit is hot pink and my skirt is too. It's my favorite color. I've been feeling very Elle Woods these days. I want to feel pretty in pink everyday, or at least bold and beautiful in cheerful colors. I found that when I was at my least open, most anxious and fearful in life I wore a lot of black and wanted to shield or hide myself. It took time but I've learned to be more open and receptive, I find color adds to my brilliance. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...let it shine, let it shine, let it shine..."

There is so much diversity to be found here. I've heard so many accents in passing from countries I've only seen on a map. I'm told there is a large Portuguese population and when they came they bought with them donuts that the Hawaiians made popular and named "malasadas." I can't tell you the last time I had a donut. Truth be told, I would take a donut over cake and cookies, but not ice cream, any day as far as sweet treats go. So when I tried a ube malasada yesterday, I knew there was no turning back. Somehow, we always get back to food. My dream is to eat my way around the world. Maybe I'll become a chef -- this is truly my passionate! It was so yummy. I need to try the other variations. There are some filled with coconut cream. I'll report back.

I don't have any other plans for the week besides a pottery class and at some point washing my hair. Other than that, the beach and I go together bad. Look like I'm goin' for a swim! (Dunked on 'em, now I'm swingin' off the rim!)

On Waikiki beach, there is a large rock wall that keeps separate a safer swim area and a 30-foot drop and hard coral reefs. You still get all the waves and if you're aware, none of the rip currents. I don't get close to the wall. Well, I tried one time and now know better. I've exeprienced the difference between low-tide, early in the mornings as the sun is rising, and high-tide, from noon and on. I'm sure the surf is much more fun but for a non-swimmer, I'll stick to early mornings. I'm telling you, I don't think sirens exist but the ocean is one in itself. The way it pulls you in. There is also a bigger difference between swimming in a pool and in an ocean than I ever thought. Some lessons you don't fully learn until you experience it, doesn't matter how often you hear it.

I feel that way about a lot of cliche phrases I've heard in life. Now that it's clicking and I've gained some wisdom it's like damn, I guess I didn't know it all. I know a little something about a little something and that might be enough. Knowing all would be too taxing! For example, I've always heard you can't please everyone. It didn't stop me from trying and in the end no one was pleased, not even myself. I'm in a space of claiming more ownership over my life and my happiness. I can't put the expectation onto anyone to make me happy and I can't take it into my hands, solely, to be in charge of keeping people happy. I would be overextending myself, to my detriment, for the rest of my life if that was the case.

I've been saying a lot lately, I don't want to ask for permission to live my life. Nobody is asking me for permission to make moves and I don't think I would want them to. I'm trying to get out of the need for external validation. While part of me does want to make my people proud of me, I do know and am coming to terms with never hearing it from them, especially because I'm doing it in such a different way. Am I proud of myself? For the most part yes, I have regrets that I'm letting go of, but overrall, I'm being uniquely me as I was created. Nothing feels better than that right now! That kind of makes me emotional. You know I'm a baby cry!

This is an early turn in kind of day. Not straight to bed but in the hotel, hair washed and done up and continuing on with The Real Housewives. I like a little mess -- in other people's lives chile. As I walked back home, I saw a man half naked. I'm thinking he's pulling his pants down to take a shit but he was letting it all hang. I turned my head and minded my business, the New York way. Waikiki is just like Manhattan.

The ube masaladas were much better than the coconut cream.

With love and full tummy,

xoxo,

Ashanti