adulthood

I was never one of those kids who wanted to be an adult, excited to turn 16, 18 or 21. I didn’t plan my life out, hoping to be married with children and a house with a white picket fence all by 25. (Everyone swore they would be a millionarie by now too, I didn’t forget that!) That just always seemed impractical to me, but I let people enjoy their delusions. (The world wouldn’t be as fun without them.) Now at 25, I’m starting to see people I went to school with starting their families and having children, getting engaged and married, and kudos to them!

I just haven’t reached that point in my adulthood yet.

There’s really no guidebook on the perfect way to live life and trying to live up to other people’s expectations really takes away from you living through your own experiences. Takes away from the fun, the joy you experience, the lessons you learn. People constantly talk negativity into your life’s plans because you’ve dreamt far beyond what they’ve ever imagined for themselves.

What I’m actually starting to realize is that a lot of people are winging it. Me personally, I lean more towards being a type-A personality, I love planning ahead, lists, I thrive having a routine. I like to know what to expect next out of life, what’s my next phase looking like. I never liked surprises, I even spoil movies and television shows for myself. Maybe I’m a bit controlling. I’m trying to learn how to loosen up, take the days as they come. Nothing wrong with being spontaneous every now and then. Have to keep saying it until I actually believe it.

I’m curious about what comes next in my life. What my purpose is in this lifetime and how my passions would lead me to finding it, the thing is though I haven’t figured out what my passion is yet. (I actually recently wrote a quickie about this entitled passion.) While giving it some thought I asked friends on Instagram and even my boss at work one day and this is what he said:

“You have to be able to be sit in the anxiety that comes with the unknown.”

He told me the good thing about the ages of 20-30 is it’s your time to make mistakes. You don’t have to know what you want to do, it’s your chance to explore, to do everything. So simple and yet it’ll stick with me forever.

Sometimes it feels that time is running away from me, like I’m stuck in the same position meanwhile I’m seeing other peoples lives change so drastically. (I don’t want no kids!) After that talk I knew I was right where I needed to be because there’s so much more I can learn beyond professional skills, there are life lessons I need to hear from those who’ve experienced similar sentiments before.

I complain about adulthood but I’ve been enjoying experiencing it. I’m kind of seeing my life like a reality television show (remember when I said delusions were fun!) Right now, I’m in my 25th season and I’m looking forward to the seasons ahead.