Burnin’ Candles
The way this song lives in my head rent free. I been singing it from sun up to sun down. Actually, since I went to karaoke weeks ago, I have not been able to stop singing in general. We’ll get more into that later.
Where have I been? What have I been up to?
Being a creator is being reminded again and again that I’m put here to create and that the right audience will follow. Often times I do get caught up in trying to tailor my content to the audience, thinking of what they want to hear in a Tiktok or Instagram video or what they would want to read on a blog when it is I who sets the tone. I don’t want to make content that everyone else does because it’s just not me, that is not my calling. Currently, we’re in Gemini season and it’s always one of the harder times of year for me simply because I feel called to isolate and lean into my spiritual side more than usual but the weather is so nice I want to be outside drenching myself in sunlight. My freckles call for it.
I went to the crystal shop recently with my Grandma and I’m so happy she’s open minded about my practices. We meant to go to another shop but stumbled upon one with my name in it and had such a brief, though profound chat with another patron. I’m of the mind that we are at the right place at the right time and there are messengers sent your way to tell you what you need to hear in the moment. I’ve been upping my spiritual protection lately while also focusing on gratitude for what I have. I’m in such a fortuitous situation, sometimes I forget myself but I am grateful to have been granted another chance at life in my own way. I purchased a gratitude candle and a black tourmaline bracelet. Imagine my surprise when my Granny bought a crystal, a confidence and motivation candle. She even burned her motivation candle recently, with intention, and she’s been up early each morning this week!
What rubbed me the wrong way though is when the guy left the cashier called him a name, insinuating he was crazy but sir, you work at a crystal shop, I’m sure there are people that think the same of you. Speaking of names, he asked me mine and after I told him he replied “you know we choose our own names before we come here.” My mother found my name in a history book and other than that I wonder where else she would have found it. Depending on the region, Ashanti means royalty, and I’ve learned to embody that. I couldn’t see myself being named anything else. If words are spells then your name, what you call yourself and what you allow others to call you is so interwoven into your being. This is a big reason why negative self-talk can only work against you. “I’m ugly,” “I’m an idiot,” “I’m broke,” and surely you begin to embody that very energy.
I burn many different candles on my altar. Currently, I’ve got gratitude burning, plus a pink, blue, and white candle. In the same way that wearing a specific color brings about a certain energy to the person wearing it, so does burning different color candles. I always feel so passionate, sensual and sexy when I wear red and the same happens when I burn a red candle! When I wear all black my energy is shielded, I feel protected and like going out in the dead of night, hidden in some way.
Blue Candle
The blue candle burned hot and fast in the beginning. The flame was so intense. Blue represents forgiveness, calmness, and communication amongst other things but those three reasons are why I picked it up today on my way home. I’m a known grudge holder. I promise it’s something that I’m working on but I realized the one person I need to forgive most is me. I know I make mistakes, which I actually hate to admit because for so long I wanted to be seen as perfect. I am a prideful woman, not the best trait to have but it’s my truth. I needed to hold myself accountable for my mistakes and apologize to those I’ve hurt but more importantly than that I had to finally forgive myself for putting myself in situations I had no business in, or ignoring obvious red flags and allowing people to walk over me because I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to be alone. Which turned out not to work because at the end of the day, I still felt alone. I had to forgive myself for being so critical of myself when I was younger because I didn’t know any better. I went out into the world with the tools I was given and am now unlearning much of what I thought to be true about society and myself.
I mentioned singing earlier because I truly cannot stop. It’s always been one of my favorite things to do but mostly in the shower or the comfort of my home. Maybe even every now and then with friends in the car or karaoke. The color blue is also associate with the throat chakra, which covers how we communicate. A gentle reminder to self that communication includes both speaking and listening. I’m guilty of hearing what I want to hear sometimes, not exactly what’s being said. Oops! For many years my throat chakra was closed. As emotional as I am I have had a hard time expressing them or just expressing myself in general. I saw a quote online that will forever live in my mind that says, “expression is the opposite of depression.” Ever since I started to express myself a large weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel lighter. I’m enjoying life again in a way I hadn’t in a long time, or actually, maybe more than I ever have because I found me again. So we burn the blue candle to celebrate that!
White Candle
A white candle is a standard on my altar, and I’m sure that of my spiritualist. They are all purpose and can represent peace, purity, protection and the spirit. I light a white candle and dedicate it to those who came before me, who guide me in this life from beyond the veil, and even to those whose souls have yet to make it to this plane. I saw this post on Instagram and ran to buy a brand new white candle. As a spiritualist, this life is not all love and light. With genocides happening over the world it can be a bit overwhelming with knowing what it is that I, one person, can do from miles away. This goes beyond posting an AI generated image, which I find similar to posting black squares during the start of Black Lives Matter movement, rather performative. But I know I am gifteed in the spirit, especially with the deceased. Her post put much into perspective for me because this is a way I can help. A body not getting a proper burial means their souls have not gotten a proper send off. Tonight and every night after this I light my white candle in their remembrance and pray they are able to transcend this Earth safely. Amen.
Pink Candle
Learning self love has been the most trying, yet rewarding journeys of my life. But whew! For the first five years of my life my dad dressed me in blue almost exclusively and I grew up a tom boy. Jumping gates, riding bikes, and making mud pies. I loved it! The older I get though I find myself shedding some of that version of me, the scars will always be there, and loving the girly things. I can finally stop hating the color pink, especially considering I always feel so darn pretty in it. Beyond how I feel when I wear it, pink candles symbolize unconditional love of self, romantic love and friendship. It even stands for reconciliation and forgiveness, as far as relationships go, that’s a topic I’ll delve into deeper at another time. Pink candles represent love but the color green actually represents the heart chakra. I have been realigning them and truly, I did not realize my heart was on ice, chained up in high tower, guarded by a dragon. I was the dragon. I might still be the dragon but I’m learning to open up, be vulnerable and let people in. I do well by myself but I know my challenge in this life time is to learn to collaborate with others. The pink candle burns tonight dedicated to the old versions of myself chasing what they never had and in honor of learning to receive.
Until next time…
xoxo
Ashanti
MUAH! 💋
May Update:
Songs on Repeat:
Favorite - Nicki Minaj feat. Jeremih
Attention - Bryson Tiller
After Hours (Cater 2 U Remix) - Kehlani
Coupé - AJ Tracey feat. Kehlani
Family Matters - Drake
Throw It In - Lil’ Wayne
Down South - Asian Doll feat. Tay Money
Check On It - Beyoncé feat. Slim Thug and Bun B.
U My Everything - Sexxy Red feat. Drake
Made For Me - Muni Long
2 Minute Warning - Twenty88
My Heart Belongs To U - Jodeci
