I just had an epiphany...
In simple terms: my boss is a hater.
With nuance, he is a product of his generation. At least, this is what I tell myself to give him grace.
When I worked with him the first time around I spent much of my time tied to the desk. I didn't even get up for lunch. It is not by happenstance that I am back in the same city, working the same job for the same person. I know in my heart this time around, in this cycle that I'm repeating, I'm doing it differently. I did start off so focused on work, I needed the money to move out and wanted to make a good impression. Kind of focused on title and what I thought success should look like. I'm blessed to have realized I needed to step away, get outside, connect with people and put myself first. A lot of my job is calendaring but I do so much personal assistant work. I'm making doctors appointments for him but felt guilty when it was time to put myself first and schedule my own. I'm proud to say I'm getting better at this and have made many appointments since I've been back. Thank God for good healthcare!
He's so opposed to working from home. If he's in the office, I have to be which means we're there most days. Unless he goes out of town, then I stay home but even then he's still keen on my being there. I worked from home twice last week. I go on walks during work and am away from my desk chit-chatting. I have to network for my business! No but seriously, more than that I have so many beautiful relationships budding because I took the time to open up beyond an email about meeting after meeting. He asked me once did I need more work -- hell no! Recently, I find that he is asking that I join in on his Zoom meetings. Now, maybe he really does need a note taker. I am convinced however that it is his way of either trying to gauge my interest or making it so I am still under the thumb.
But I'm a butterfly. My wings are drying, but I'll be taking flight soon enough.
My coconut cake was a hit today! Little Miss. Business Woman tried to turn a few coconut haters into lovers. It almost worked. Ha. Not too overpowering in taste and my cake-to-icing ratio wasn't as off as I believed. I'm just happy some folk got to try it who don't usually get the opportunity. I took my leftover lemon cupcakes in too. There is a yellow cake cooling down on my counters. I needed redeemption. The last one was very dense and kind of dry. I gotta do it right this time and also I just wanted to use my piping tools to make the cake look fancy! And when I say fancy, I say like a kind-of-decorated birthday cake. I'm so excited to see how it'll turn out.
I can more clearly the woman I am and the one I want to be.
Lately I've been very sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no make up on. I'm focused on my bidness! But I'm finding what makes me feel sexy and sensual. Because really, I think some women have that natural sex appeal. I feel beautiful but do I know how to turn it on? Does my sexy have to look like everyone else's? Probably best not. I really wanna give, hey boo you outside yet? 'Cause I have to redo my hair after work. You know, welcome home and I'm on the couch all done up, little outfit and robe.
It's giving Cater 2 U but that treated can't be for any ole anyone.
Only the most encouraging!
Looking to be uplifted,
And lifted up,
xoxo,
Ashanti
