Incomplete

Being the oldest sister means being there during the good times, the bad times and even the in-between times. This past weekend I had to help my brother with a project about a woman he admires (to completely flex, his first project like this was about me), and my sister with a Science project where we had to create crystals and test their durability. Now, growing up an only child, naturally, I did all my own projects myself, yet these kids expect me to do their work for them. There’s just no way!

In the end, we spent 8 hours doing my sister’s project due to frequent breaks consisting of playing basketball against my brother, watching television, nonstop snacking and talks of if there was a possibility I could convince our mother to give them their phones back. Can I say that we even tested the durability and got the answer? No, but it was the best bonding time we had in a while. My brother's poster board took 2 hours of me and my sister doing most of the work for him. (I did in fact have to go back the following weekend and help him do the project all over again.)

Being the oldest sister also means playing the middle-woman between my siblings and my mother. Over the weekend, with good intention of course, I overstepped a boundary in the name of my sister and only later realized my mistake. Do I regret it though? No, but I could have went about things in another way. Lesson learned! I’m learning the importance of uncomfortable conversations, making mistakes, apologizing and continuing on in relationships with boundaries set.

Truth be told, even though I learned my lesson, I couldn’t get home fast enough. After three weeks of social media detoxing, I broke and filled my phone with Twitter screenshots, sending my friend every single funny tweet I could find. Twitter can be a miserable place, which is why my block button works so well, but you can also learn a lot when it comes to astrology and if you’re discerning enough, spirituality. Not only that but it’s also helped me find a love of fashion again. I’m enamored by all the clothes I’ve been seeing on the runway with my major obsessions revealing themselves to be huge, comfy coats and bags so big, I’ll never be able to fill them up.

Speaking of bags, I spent another couple days at the food pantry this week, filling bags with diary products and dry goods. I even helped with a little distribution but because I was unsure of the system they use it didn’t exactly go very well. I love getting out the house and conversing with real people in person and it’s what I’m going to miss most once I start my new job. It’s so important to me that I find another volunteering opportunity where I feel I’m truly helping out in my community.

(Sidenote: I've got the sneaky suspicion I'll be busy as hell the next few years so that’s the reason I feel blessed to have gotten to rest these last six months. Not many people have the opportunity to get off the hamster wheel and explore and genuinely rest. I'm excited to start a new job and also see what inspiration I can gain from it when it comes time to write.)

When I was on my way home last week with Bernardo, he started talking about the housing market for the area I live in and the fact that a Chipotle is opening up the street, coincidentally right after the Auntie Anne's was built. "All they're missing is Starbucks," he said and that's when I was struck by a revelation. Gentrification is real and sneaky! One by one, a majority of the locally owned stores will be moved out of the neighborhood and replaced by stores ran by huge corporation. All the character gets moved out of neighborhood. What sucks about it is the fact that I'm just beginning to put into action what I've been learning about building community, because besides volunteering I've been trying to befriend the owners of the stores I frequent and the neighbors I come across.

We're really all we have. I remember growing up and there was a corner store directly across the street from the buildings we lived in. The family that owned the store had photos of all the kids from the buildings hung up, they knew the parents, and helped you out if you were short on cash but still needed to pick up a few things. That's real community to me. I'm hopeful to cultivate good relations like that in the area. Coupled with that I realized how out of the loop I had been. Generally, I avoid the news like the plague but there is importance to knowing, at least locally, what is going on. How can I try to incorporate myself in a community yet be wholly unaware of the politics at play?

As a recovering fickle friend, I made plans to visit Subrina instead of cancelling, even though I did almost cancel. Instead, I put my foot down! By the afternoon I was in front of her house with Starbucks and flowers. We caught up, I beat her in cards (she can dispute this if she wants) and her and her boyfriend in a board game version of two truths and a lie. I am not a good liar, and they called me out every single time, but I’m good at calling out lies too. Feels good to be a winner. This game also helped me learn a lot about my friend, whose favorite show is “This is Us,” but she only ever talks to me about “The Vampire Diaries.” Imagine my shock!

It’s so interesting to grow up with someone and to watch them go through different stages of their life. I feel very fortunate to have friends I’ve known for years, they’ve seen me during so many ups and downs in my life. People who get me! Sometimes I get curious about what our lives will look like years from now, how dynamics and our relation to one another change. I don’t dwell on those thoughts for too long. I got other things to worry about. Instead of taking the trek back home, I stayed overnight with my family, helped my brother with his project again, and washed my sister’s hair and aggravated them both at some point. A successful weekend if I do say so myself.

I think this month I’ve took the trip to Jersey at least four times this month. Maybe 5. Not to mention me just taking trains around the city. It’s such an intimating experience learning the subway but now that I’m getting the hang of it, I want so badly to be a person who knows it all about the NYC Subway. Take this train to here, or you can take this route instead. Don't take this line at a certain time. This has now become one of my life goals. (And know what I did just see an article about a woman who took twenty-two hours to travel to every single NYC Subway station. I don't want to be in that deep.)

I never fully completed the entire thirty day detox, but I also have no regrets about not following through. I like to think I've actually learned to balance creative, productive time and mindless entertainment time. So many big changes are happening in my life, I want to enjoy every moment I can before capitalism consumes me once more.

Songs I have on repeat:

• Goodies - Ciara ft. Petey Pablo

• Words - Alesso ft. Zara Larsson

• Find Your Way Back - Beyoncé

• Morocco - Alina Baraz ft 6lack

• Ungodly Hour - Chloe x Halle

• Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie

• Pretty Please - Dua Lipa

• Texts Go Green - Drake

• Easy Lovers - Piero Piccioni

What I’ve been watching:

• Real Housewives of Dubai - I was surprised I enjoyed it as much as I did. I’m obsessed with the fashions, the events with the desert as the backdrop, and a unique culture. One of the wives, Chanel Ayan, sticks out instantly as the immediate star of the show. The story of her upbringing is so compelling which makes her stealing the spotlight that much better. The Dubai they showed us seems like such a mixing pot of people and cultures I would love to see it explored more in the next season.

• Selling Sunset - I watched the show when it first came out and loved it but only made it through two seasons of Christine versus everyone. I watched the newest season after watching Chrishell call someone “cracked out” at a dinner party. I did cackle like a witch cause why would you say that to someone? And by the way everyone reacted, she wasn’t far off. From the first season to now it’s so good to see Chrishell’s growth, she seems genuinely happy though I am convinced there’s still lingering feelings between her and Jason. As I finished the show I was left wondering if there was a chance someone other Chelsea, fashion queen that is, would do their job and actually close on a house.