leading with my heart

I'm watching season three of Sex and the City, yes again, and Carrie is about to fall in love, out of love, back in love with Aiden, then cheat with Big. It's Fall for us so I can't help but admire all of the coats the women are wearing. White with feathers, pretty colorful penny coats. Charlotte wears this pink jacket I swear I tried to find online but you know resellers are a terror. This weather has me in a tizzy. How many layers should I be wearing? Is it time to break out the big jackets? Do I really need a leopard coat? I left home with one hairstyle, by time the drizzle hit, I got to work with another. I'm totally missing my hot pink fuzzy hat. Is it too soon?

There is something so sensual about candlelight. My room is filled with lit candles and I'm mesmerized by the way the flames dance.

I woke up in such a good mood, like big goofy smile on my face. The dream I had was so sweet and fully set the tone for the day. Surprisingly, my boss decided to work from home. I got just enough done, all from the comfort of my friend's office, that the rest of the week shouldn't be too bad. This weekend I'm working the big annual gala. Unsure what to do with my little bob but it's me and my kitten heels against the world. My dress is a rose pink satin with a darker pink lace along the neckline. I feel like such a pretty princess in it. I'll have to do a little make-up too, I'm hoping some of the women in the office will help me out. Very rarely do I dress up like this so I'm excited to see everyone else dressed up, for them to see me, and for us to take a couple of cute photos and make some memories.

I must admit, I'm having a bit of internal conflict. I'm feeling two ways: I've been hiding a lot of my business from my boss because my life is so intertwined with his already, I like feeling like this is just for me yet on the other hand, why hide it at all? This is my present and truly, I feel, my future. I don't have to hide what makes me happy and what I'm working on in my personal life. I felt I did because I wasn't sure how he would take it. I do have a "I want to control other people's reactions and emotions" problem. Ha. It's funny but it's not but sheesh, give your girl a little credit for self awareness. And so I will wear the bag with my logo my friend got me with pride and get my work done and also pour love and my heart into my business. Who knows what I'll gain from sharing as opposed to hiding it away? It's not like I know it all. I never did this before!

I'm thinking of my other post and there are two things I want to say:

One: I put such big pieces of those cakes I didn't even get to enjoy them. They was loving it and I wanted them to. I took a piece of each at the end and still somehow, had given it to someone else. Best cakes I made thus far and I can't tell you what they taste like other than, the cream cheese frosting I made was perfection.

Two: I'm always hesitant about how much to say about my ancestors. Well, speaking about ancestors and ancestral veneration and my spiritual beliefs in general. But I will say there is something so important to me that they live on, even if just through name, lots of memories and stories if possible and when asked. The lineage is long, going all the way back to Africa, and even if I don't know them by name I still want to pay my respect because without them I wouldn't be here. Without them I wouldn't know or have the relatives that I do have photos of, memories with. I cherish them all, give back to and hope to be making them proud. I get caught up in wanting to make sure that I leave gifts and knowledge behind, because there is so much more to this life besides money, and I hope I can leave that too.

There's a lot of guidance there if you're looking, listening and open to it.

They endured so much so we wouldn't have to that it's only right that I give them the love they give me.