why so serious?
The voice of a friend came to me earlier this week, asking "who are you trying to be perfect for?"
This question has been lingering on my mind. Does this go hand in hand with people pleasing? I'm thinking so. Now am I a goody-two-shoes? Depends on who you ask. So, yes. But I think that perfectionism stems, as all things seem to, from childhood. I would get the attention and recognition I wanted if I did well in school, kudos from my family as this great, smart daughter. When I was perfect, I was loved and that was the only time I deserved it but it's what I wanted to feel all the time. I have more thinking to do about this. As I've matured, I'm grateful to realize I've loved people despite their perceived flaws and they've given me grace and true love, unconditionally, despite mine. Perfectionism was an illusion all along anyway. Perfect by whose standards? In comparison to what?
This won't be a long one. I'm feeling a little funky. Not a bad mood, just one of those days.
I stayed up a little late doing business research. As a home bakery, I have to have a cottage permit, take a food preparation course and get my water tested. It takes 16-weeks for them to go through the application, which is wild. You have to submit all your receipes, which I started creating ingredient labels for last night. No inspection of your home or kitchen but how I can best keep everything cleaned and sanitized is important to me. More research to do before I even take the course. There is so much that goes into doing it legit. I'm a bit overwhelmed but I keep telling myself the hard things are worth doing. And it's so true.
I have a cake pick up today. My coworker ordered a cake, she's leaving the company this week and intially it was suppose to be a "going away" cake, but decided it would be for her family instead. I notice my process is getting better and the cakes just come out better, more moist. Something about that lemon frosting makes you smack your lips in the best way! Generally, people are paying in cash but I did buy a cashless POS system. It'll be good to have receipts and make invoices and keep track of all orders. I'm wondering, is there is a way to track my inventory while keeping recipes in mind? I suppose I would have to keep my own spreadsheet but maybe this system could help me with some of that? So many things to consider. I'm enjoying the creative process and while knowing I need to keep the business and legal things in mind, I don't want it to feel like work. Though, I put my big girl panties on and am taking care of my responsibilities. I'm doing it alone but I know that I'm not alone and I can ask people for help, advice or to put me in touch with the right folks.
Maybe I'm not funky, just serious. But serious when I'm usually goofy and jovial is like. :| -___- :/
I ain't even got a laugh to give, no sexy innuendo to leave you with.
My cake box labels just got delivered and it put such a smile on my face. As did the leftover chaufa I have. I haven't had rice in a couple of months, so I had to really treat myself. Something about that green sauce.
I have a haircut later today. I'm trying to give mature, "stop playing, you know that I'm known for the bob!" moment. I'm wanting to take better care of my hair and choose health over length. I may have to be letting someone else help me out with that.
Thirty is treating me well.
I should receive my passport in a few weeks. I've got a few spots on my bucket list. Did you know there were jungle retreats in Costa Rica? Adding it to the list!
With love and gratitude,
xoxo,
Ashanti
