you're such a dream to me

I'm pretty sure there is an eggshell in one of the cupcakes I made earlier today. Good thing they're for clients that'll probably never have to pay for a thing: my little sister and brother. The one I had didn't have any crunch so we'll just have to wait and see. We're getting to spend some sibling time together and it makes me so happy. I find myself trying to be "hip," you know. Learn all the slang because they already think I'm cringe, so why not for the extra laughs. They haven't gotten here yet but over the phone I learned what "tough" meant, as if people weren't using it when I was in school and probably way before. Also, I learned when you like someone but they like someone else and they're talking to you, you say "go play, go play, go play!" like with them, not me. So interesting. I think I'm developing "aura" as I type this.

My ducks are being put into a row, I'm eating all the gumdrops and being led to do much of what I've been holding off on. I woke up and got right to forming my business. Angel Confections is official! Then I got out the house and just kept on moving. I can't tell you how many steps I got in yesterday but whew, I was a woman on a mission. I ran to get a caramel latte, always iced, always with coconut milk unless they don't have it. Ran to get money orders then went to work and had lunch with my pathfinder, a new employee that I get to help integrate into the company. She's my second, in fact. The culture is different from other businesses so I like to be encouraging, give all the hints, tips and tricks I can and just have someone new to get to know. Left work with my granny cart and was off to take my passport pictures and pick up the photos from the disposable cameras I took with me to Hawai'i. I am a Black woman, this is obviously seen and though I love the rain, deeply, my hair in the photos is questionable. I looked pretty in my pink and my lip gloss was poppin'. I'll take it.

Could I beat the storm and get all I wanted to do done?

I was off to the supermarket to do shop for ingredients. Google translate and I were good friends this day because the most I can say in Spanish is, give me kiss or you know, with or without cheese. I couldn't find the sweetened coconut flakes anywhere and it took almost three folks to have me find them but we bridged the gap eventually. The biggest bags of flour and sugar I could carry, amongst other things, weighed me down. Felt like strength training but I made it home! A little more shopping for the cold things or that I just like better from WholeFoods and I was done for the day. Shop 'til you drop almost literally, boo.

A coworker and I were having a conversation that is playing over and over in my mind. We were discussing how she has a group of friends and sometimes one of them will share different information with each friend. Sometimes it is because she knows one may react more strongly than the other. Also, how they're still friends since high school and know how to push each other's buttons or know to expect their attitudes. I admire those who can still have friends since childhood and high school and such. To see someone through many transformation and still be there and love them is just so sweet to me. Heartwarming alert!

I was telling her about my research, or all the time I've spent watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. On the most current season two women, Porsha and Shamea, who have been friends since they 1996, mind you, fell out in the worst way. Things have been tense for a few years now between the two. Could be simple misunderstandings or I think, one friend wanting to step from behind the star and be seen as her own woman after being called a "lapdog" for so long. I really don't believe it should have played out in front of the group of women, who have been antagonizing, and definitely not in front of the cameras. Shamea said that Porsha mama tried to sleep with her father. Porsha said Shamea's mother slept with her own husband's brother. The mama's had themselves been friends since the girls were little so this is a two generation fallout. When I tell you, I was shook! Messy television but sheesh. I've fallen out with friends, in explosions, in coldness and letting things fizzle or just naturally growing apart. No matter how it happened I think there is a respect you have to give to love you had and the relationship so that you don't take it all the way down to hell.

I don't know where I would be without my siblings. They keep me going, keep me laughing, keep me youthful! We be fussing with each other but it's so worth it. As much as I enjoyed being the only child and being spoiled, life is so much better when you have people to share it with. A little spoiling never hurt though! Maybe it sounds like I'm "glazing" them. New word, very popular with the youth. But I love them wholeheartedly. I hope we find each other in every lifetime. My sister reminds me of myself at fourteen, big attitude! But we know she's a sweetie and very creative. She always gets me together. She might be funnier than me, but don't tell her I said that! My brother, my first child, he's our balance. He's so caring and protective. And greedy. And strong, he tried to beat me up but I got that ass back. A real rage-baiter too.

I speak about the future a lot. What I want in a partner. Must have prayed about it, too. The importance of role modeling has never been more obvious to me. I'm hopeful for a relationship where I can show them what true love between friends looks like. I want them to welcome my baby in, you know? I want to show my softness for a man in front of them. They've never seen me like that before. I haven't really seen it or shown in off. My brother has an entreprenrial spirit, I'm hoping he can learn how to channel that in an honest way and not by chasing fast money. My sister to see how a man should treat her, how to relax in a more feminine energy.

It's been a trek, hasn't it?

I wouldn't want to do it with a single other soul.

xoxo,

Ashanti