Sweet Spot

I’ve experienced living life at extremes so discovering that, for me, this lifetime is about balance, was shocking. Things aren’t just black and white? There are shades of grey? This epiphany took a while, but when it hit, man, did it hit hard.

For the first fourteen years of my life I was an only child. This, of course, has contributed not only to how introverted I am but also to how selfish. Honestly, had I not been blessed with siblings, I think I could have become a hermit. I can thrive in solitude, especially creatively, which is why I think writers used to escape to cabins out in the woods until they completed their manuscripts. (Adding such an experience to my bucket-list.) I know how to be comfortable being alone but with that said, I know my heart wants human connection. Craves, actually!

With the birth of my siblings, I fell into selflessness. Not only with them, but with everyone in life. Over giving. Overplaying my position. I’ve got a big heart and I love hard! (Now, this was simply a nice way to say, I did not have boundaries.) Throughout life I’ve continued to juggle between selfishness and selflessness. Caught between either strictly being all about “me, me, me” or being too giving to others and thus forgetting about myself.

Maybe the scales will balance one day, but lately it seems the sweet spot leans more towards “me, me, me.” What can I say? Remembering what it feels like to receive the love I give has me obsessed.