Twin!? Where Have You Been!?
Babes, I've been stuck in the Love Island villa switching between binge watching seasons 5, 10 and All-Stars 2. The way I been racing home from work to watch the newest episodes and been so tuned into the drama, you would think I was a cast member. I love the theatrics and watching how nosy everyone is when someone is pulled for a chat and how quickly the goss spreads through the villa. No music, no phones, no books, no entertainment but what's going on in someone else's business. Oh absolutely!
I started a new job or rather I'm running it back at an old job and though it's been a month, I'm still trying to get settled in. When I left originally I felt, much like the men in the Love Island villa, I had not explored all my options. I had been at this organization since I was an intern in 2017 and as I moved up the ladder I felt my life was just my job. Who I was outside of my 9 to 5 was unbeknownst to me, I was partying and working, that's it. The learning curve that was my early to mid-20's was something else. Leaving the nest, in two ways, helped change my perception on life and who I am versus how I had been presenting myself to the world. I returned home more whole.
I will say though I haven't had much inspiration. When I returned to work I reintroduced myself to everyone by writing and performing a little poem but besides that I have yet to write a single poem since Christmas time. I'm learning that as a creative you'll go through stages where you'll have inspiration and stages where you won't and you'll just have to live. Word to Drake, just to live doesn't mean you're alive. So maybe I'm living but I need to be doing things to feel properly alive.
As I slowly, but surely, approach my twenty-ninth year on this Earth, I know I'm hitting a new level of maturity. While I want to keep some of that child-like wonder, curiosity, and creativity, never do I want to little-Ashanti to feel like an afterthought again, I still have to gussy up and put my big girl underwear on and do things differently. Being more active is on my list this year for sure! I wanna join a pole dancing class, badly! Shoutout to the strippers and their core strength. I think it's such an art and really, I have a playlist of songs I wanna dance scantily clad to.
I want my own space as well. That's my main goal, truly. An apartment I can decorate, come home to, have my little black cat lounging around and having that time in healthy solitude. I've never lived alone before though I know I would enjoy it while also making sure I still make time for friends and family. That's one thing, I can get so caught up in me almost to my own detriment. I want a little kitty cat so much but I'm thinking do I like having a pet more as an idea because that's basically like having a child and I'm childfree for a reason. I'm an indecisive woman I suppose.
I know staying consistent with my writing is what I'm striving for but I fall off and then pick it back up when I'm good and ready. Unfortunately, good and ready be months later and that is not what I want this year. I deleted Tiktok and know at this time I need to focus more on creating and less on consuming or if I'm going to consume social media in the way that I do, at least balance it out with more reading. But really, I'm stuck watching reality shows with the lens of an unofficial sociologist! And I don't wanna stop!
Balance. ☯︎
I'm enjoying learning and living in the duality of life.
