nobody likes you when you’re 23
Blink 182’s “What’s My Age Again,” speaks to the lead singers immaturity and not wanting to grow up. I couldn’t think of more truer phrase to describe being 23.
Nobody likes you when you’re 23, and really, I didn’t like myself. That’s an exaggeration but 23 has been the weirdest year of my life. It doesn’t feel like a particularly special year, you’re no longer 21, so you’re no longer naive as you once were, but there’s still so much to learn. So much unknown in life. You’re not a child, but not fully an adult.
When we’re young we all have a vision for our futures. I know a lot of people who wanted to married with children by now, and some of them are. Other’s wanted to be successful in their careers, and some of them are. And others wanted to be millionaires, I don’t know any of them personally, and if I do, please email me for my cashapp.
I’m typing this exactly one week before my 24th birthday and maybe I’m having a mini-existential crisis. What’s my purpose here? What have I accomplished within my 23 years that’ll help me as I move onto the 24th?
I wanted to share some lessons I’ve learned this year, and share some things I’m grateful for and 3 goals I’m setting for myself for 24.
10 lessons I’ve learned:
Trust yourself above all else. Your intuition doesn’t lie.
You don’t have to go through everything alone. Even though I know I have people there for me, sometimes I feel like it’s up to me to figure everything out on my own, when really that isn’t the case. Let your guard down and (continue to) let people in. Let them get to really know you. I feel I’ve been doing that through writing, but even then there’s some barriers I’m too weary about letting down. But they’re also holding me back. So, as I go into 24, I’ll do my best to continue to let people in. I think I’m pretty funny.
Us Cancers get a bad rap! You can tell someone you’re a Cancer and they automatically assume you’re a cry baby. And even if it is true, that’s okay! You know why? Because we allow ourselves to feel. Growing up I bottled a lot of my emotions up, and part of it goes hand in hand with keeping my guard down. It took a lot of time, but 23 year old me decided to really let myself feel. I’ll let myself be sad, angry, frustrated, and sometimes I’ll just let myself breakdown because I always feel better afterwards. Most importantly, I allow myself to be happy.
You don’t have to be strong all the time. Beyond being a trope on television, being expected to be a “strong black woman” is unfair. We are strong, some of the strongest people I know are black women. Please be there for the black women in your life, give them a shoulder to lean and cry on. Allow them to be soft and gentle. Fragile. Allow them to break down. You cannot ask someone to be strong all the time. Who looks out for the person that’s always looking out for everyone else?
Know when to be selfish. I was selfish kid growing up and I blame being the only child for a long time, looking back I don’t feel so good about it, so I don’t mean that kind of selfish. But being selfish with your time and energy is important. Knowing who and what to give your attention to and which favors to decline. We aren’t obligated to anyone. Never let them guilt you!
Stay away form energy vampires! Have you ever ended a relationship and your life turned around for the better? Sometimes you’re around people who drain you, who’re always in competition with you and their lives seem to center around drama. Cutting people off can be hard but as hard as it is, it is for the best, for your own wellness.
Hold people accountable, yourself included. There was time last year where I felt my boundaries were overstepped by someone I was really close to. I completely cut them off but I felt it had to be done. Though a break may have been necessary, I thought about how many of my relationship issues stem from lack of communication. I think about how if I had just voiced my concerns we would have saved a lot of heartache and stress. We missed months of making memories, but I had to stand firm in what I believed in. The fault doesn’t completely fall on them. A few messages back and forth would have solved things earlier.
Apologize. I’m still working on this one.
Don’t let that workplace stress you out. I was suppose to be writing a story about my time fitting into a work environment and what that time between college and having a “real job” is like. It turned into an angry rant back how I felt. I didn’t feel right posting it, but I just want to say even though they give millennials a lot of BS about job hopping, I’m happy we know our worth. My first few months were so stressful because I had to take my rose colored glasses off and realize everything isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. I had to learn to not take my own work home with me, especially with what I’m getting paid. Can’t stress over something that isn’t mine.
Don’t be afraid of success and don’t fall into your own self doubt.
10 things I’m grateful for:
I’m grateful for being an older sister. Knowing I have people looking up to me, it puts pressure on me to continuously be better, I’m not perfect but I want to inspire them. I also want them to know that I’m always here for them, that I’m a safe place for them to come always. Watching them grow up and develop their own personalities has been the most mind-boggling thing.
The time I’ve gotten to spend with my family. The quarantine has given us a chance to really connect and spend time together. I do yoga with my little sister, spend time chatting and drinking tea with my mother, and getting beat up by my brother. It’s great. Recently we celebrated my grandmother’s birthday and I even got to spend time with my younger cousins. It was the cutest thing ever. It hit me that now we are the older cousins.
Being black. If I had to choose, it would be my choice every time. I’m forever grateful to those that have come before me.
Having a support system. People who support me no matter what endeavor I choose to go on. That are there for me when I’m most doubting myself. I love y’all for real.
Finding new hobbies and new ways to express myself. I’ve spent time painting, drawing, doing yoga with my sister. I like writing, but I often find I’m too inconsistent for daily journal writing so setting a schedule for myself to post a few times a week has been so much easier. My mind isn’t quiet enough for meditation but that’s next.
All the music that’s come out! Here’s a few of my favorite albums, maybe I’ll even make a playlist:
Sawayama — Rina Sawayama
It Was Good Until It Wasn’t — Kehlani
Songs for You — Tinashe
thank u, next — Ariana Grande
Ungodly Hour — Chloe x Halle
Animal Crossing: New Horizons was such a great moment for me as a fan. Seeing everyone excited about having some form of escapism during the start of quarantine was so fun. Especially when there was so much uncertainty about when things would go back to “normal,” whatever that’ll look like. I stopped playing like two months ago, but it doesn’t take away from it’s greatness!
The do not disturb feature on iphones.
Joan, Toni, Lynn, and Maya.
Grateful to being seeing 24.
3 goals I’m setting for myself
My mom will say getting my license so I’m going to put this here for her. And I swore I was gonna do it too, then here comes the ‘rona.
Further developing this website and staying consistent with posting. That’s a big thing for me. Not just posting any ol’ thing, but things I love and that I stand by.
Developing my tarot skills, I started another blog about my journey on this site, and I’m really excited about it. Learning it is a lot of work, but it’s also rewarding.
I’m happy for what I’ve learned and accomplished during one of the hardest years of my life (so far!)
Cheers to 24!
