get grounded

I’m here with a quick life update.

I’ve been feeling a bit guilty about not being productive, not really feeling inspired to write or engage in some of the activities I used to enjoy. Then I remind myself we are living in unprecedented times. During this quarantine, with our lives flipped upside down, I haven’t really felt like myself. Which could be a good thing possibly, I’m changing and growing. But, I also have been dealing with anxiety and stress and the stress has been manifesting itself in strange ways.

On my birthday I woke up at 10 and tried to get more rest, I go to sleep at 3 am most days. I knew my family were being a little secretive about whatever they had planned for me and I wanted to be prepared for whatever. A few hours later, maybe 12 or so I tried to get up and couldn’t. I could open one of my eyes, but nothing else would move. Not my arms, legs. I started to panic. It’s not the first time this has happened, but this felt a little different.

Sleep paralysis.

Some people experience it once or twice in life, while others are lucky to never experience it at all. Some people feel a weight on their chest, or like they’re choking and a dark presence in the room. I can’t remember my earliest experience dealing with sleep paralysis, but it’s one of the things that’s been consistent in my life. There have been times I’ve had dealt with it multiple times in one night.

I had my scariest experience with it on my 24th birthday.

I thought I was picking my phone up to call my sister or brother who were in the living room. All the people in this house, I needed just one of them to help me. I picked up my phone, or at least I thought I did, and all I heard was the sound your phone makes when you take a screenshot. I tried to roll myself off my bed and I succeeded. I opened my eye and realized I was still stuck, numb in the same spot. I’m not even sure if I could describe what I was going through in the right way, but I truly felt a sense of dread.

That same day I started reading The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health by Dr. Rheeda Walker, and to my surprise a section of the book spoke about sleep paralysis as it relates to anxiety. Though much is not know as to why it happens it can be caused by stress or trauma and is most commonly seen in Black people. She also touched on how “research shows that Black people report poorer emotional health for one or two months following the police shooting of an unarmed Black person.” (See: emotional exhaustion)

What’s been helping me get through this time is grounding myself.

When you’re not grounded it’s hard for you to connect with others, and most importantly, to connect with yourself and trust your intuition. The best way to get grounded is to go out into nature. Put your feet in dirt or sand. Be near and in bodies of water. Recently, I went to the beach with my family and had the most fun I’ve had in a long time. We went further out in the ocean than I’ve ever been before and towards the end of the day I spent time on the shore with my feet stuck deep into the sand.

I was overwhelmed with emotion because after so long I felt centered, grounded. Closer to my true self.

The same day, at the same time, my friend was on a hike. We talked to each other that night and shared similar experiences, we were the happiest we had been in a long time. Genuinely. A carefree feeling, forgetting worries. It felt really good to share that same experience with someone, on the same day, while we were miles apart from each other, but doing the same thing, connecting with nature.

Since then I’ve went on walks with my family and most recently a hike. I even hugged a tree, and as silly as it may sound, it did make me feel more connected. As much as I want to stay in, getting out, getting sun, being out in nature have been instant mood boosters. On the days where I can’t get out (or more often then not, I don’t want to) I’ll lay on my floor and listen to rain sounds. Anything to stay grounded and relaxed.

I’m doing my part to take care of myself, and I hope you are too.

Get out there and hug a tree.