outta my comfort zone
“But to live doesn’t mean you’re alive”
— Onika Maraj
The unknown used to scare me a lot. I still struggle with sudden change.
For the most part I have lived in my comfort zone, staying to myself. It isn’t until you’re forced out of your comfort zone that you realize all the living that you’ve actually been missing out on.
—
You spend four years in and out of class rooms, maybe you do an internship or two, you’re thrown into the real world, then what happens next? We’re just expected to have all the answers. (If I had a dollar for every time I was asked about my plans after graduation…) The time between me graduating college and going out to find a “real” job was the most recent time I was thrown completely out of my comfort zone. In the end, the most stressful time became the most life changing, the most rewarding.
Including societal pressures, there are so many expectations to live up to, not only your own, but those of your family, your friends, your professors, even your parent’s Facebook friends. I couldn’t live up to the expectations they had set for me and only now have I realized that I didn’t have to. Not only that, but I compared myself a lot to the other students on campus. It’s funny how everyone else seems to have their life together but you.
I wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do, and if I had known, would I have went after it? Probably not, not when I could just stick to the rivers and lakes I was used to.
For a good 5-6 months after graduation, I thought I had a plan that made sense. It did not. I applied to a few places, but decided maybe staying in retail (big mistake) as a stockroom manager (bigger mistake) was my best, and only option. I had worked here for years, this was my store. I was comfortable, complacent even, and in the end I realize I really just used it as a security blanket, a place I could stay to delay the inevitable.
Let me give y’all a timeline:
April 2015 — I started a part-time retail job with my best friends (this was literally only suppose to last for a Summer!)
Between 2015 and 2018 — we went through three store managers (and boy do I have some stories for y’all), lots of employees, and my best friends both quit at least twice
Between September and December 2017 — I interned at a nonprofit
May 2018 — I graduated from University with a BS in Management
June 2018 — I officially became a full-time stockroom manager
August 2018 — I quit my full-time retail job (and gave them a whole months notice because I quit with absolutely NO plan, this is really not something I recommend)
September 2018 — I was officially unemployed
February 2019 — I started my current office job in the same nonprofit I interned at (I really finessed this and now I’ve been there for a year and a half)
From September 2018 to February 2019, I was depressed. I had bad insomnia (sometimes I didn’t sleep for 24+ hours), I didn’t want to do anything. This was something I had never gone through before. I had a small savings and that would hold me over for about four months. I was paying the minimum on credit cards that were close to being maxed out. I felt I let everyone down, and most importantly, I had let myself down.
I wanted to share this because right now, we are still in quarantine. People aren’t getting the opportunity to go to prom or walk across the stage and have a proper graduation. These are the most uncertain times our generation has been through. It’s turned our world upside down, knocking everyone out of their comfort zone, and for some, it’s a time we can really take advantage of.
If I hadn’t taken the leap and quit, albeit without a plan, I would be in the same space, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. There would have been no growth in my life. I would be stuck in a dead-end job, feeling defeated every time I walked into the backroom. Though that time caused a lot of turmoil, in the end it made me stronger. It gave me time to reflect on who I really am. I learned myself, and other people, better. As hard as it was, it was what I needed.
(For my tarot people this was a major Tower moment, destroying to build back up again, and this time stronger.)
This time around, I’m at peace.
Eventually (!!) I’ll be leaving this quarantine with a blog and knowing how to corn row my own hair (that’s my biggest accomplishment!)
I’m taking action, and doing what I never would have done before.
Though the circumstances aren’t exactly the same, I hope you’re turning this negative into a positive. I encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, go after what you want. Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from the greatness that you’re destined for. All you have to do is take the first step, no matter how small.
And I’ll be right here with you.
♡
