End of an Era

And the beginning of a new one!

Looking back at 2022, it feels like I’ve lived so many lives in one single year. So many different eras. I’ve shed so many old layers of myself, like a snake or an onion (or a parfait). After the past two years, this year felt like a breath of fresh air. When I turned 25, I told myself it would be the best year of my life (so far), and it was an amazing turning point. While 25 was a great foundation for my growth, 26 feels Amazing. Inspiring. Phenomenal. Magnificent. Marvelous. I finally feel like a grown up but never too grown to have a little childish fun. (Please never let anyone make you feel like you have to give up your hobbies from childhood because you’re too “old,” it’s the biggest scam in the world. You’ll be forever miserable if you fall for it.)

With a little more than a week left until the new year, I thought it best to sit down and consider the lessons I’ve learned this year.

Exiting My Passenger Princess Era?

Some people are just made to be chauffeured and I am one of them. (Praying for a private chef too…)

This year I realized what I wanted most these last few years was freedom. Freedom to be myself, do what I want and come and go as I please. Learning to drive will give me exactly what I want but I do not like driving. It makes me so anxious! Though I have control of my vehicle, it’s becomes overwhelming for me to consider all other vehicles on the road, all the rules, plus the pedestrians. (I would rather play bumper cars.)

I got my permit back in high school but didn’t care to get my license, just letting it expire. After some discussion and a little nagging, I decided this had to be the year. I studied a few days before for my written test and aced it! Did I miss my actual scheduled driving test? Yes. Going into next year I’m entering my driving era (I’ll keep saying this until I actually believe myself). I do plan to pay for driving classes, so if they can’t help me, you’ll find me using my God given transportation method: my legs.

Devil Wears Prada Era

At the end of last year, I went on vacation to Puerto Rico and when I came back the tea was HOT! The office was abuzz with news that the CEO’s assistant had walked out and they were looking for someone to replace them. They asked that I do the job temporarily until they found a replacement.

The CEO had a reputation that preceded him. He had gone through something like 9 assistants in the last 12 years or so. Were people scrambling for this job? No. So many people told me they were praying for me, they would never want to do this job, and giving each other knowing looks and smiles because they doubted I would last very long. In the end they were right but not for the reasons they assumed.

What I’m most proud about is that I took the time to get to know him professionally and personally myself, not holding anyone else’s opinion of him higher than my own. This was important because we actually got along so well to my surprise and to the surprise of many people in the office. The job as his executive assistant helped me gain so much confidence not only in my interactions with people but in myself.

As much as they loved having me in the position, it helped me figure out that there is more for me out there than sticking in a job that doesn’t fulfill me. I’ve said it before but I spent a lot of my life living for up to others expectations and what the “right” way to go about things is. It wasn’t easy for me to resign but it felt like the perfect time to take my life in my own hands.

I know my boss had a lot of love for me, even getting emotional when talking about me leaving, making jokes and asking what had to be done for me to stay. I’ve cried a few times about it as well. I had been in this position for almost a year but I had worked in this office since I was in college. I’m grieving a lot of those relationships and who I was and my old routines but I’ve never felt more at peace with decision I’ve made.

On my last day he told me I taught him how to be soft and I appreciate he was so open about my affect on him because what he taught me I’ll remember forever: be real to you. Stand authentic in who you are, people are either going to hate it or love it.

Expression Era

After much reflection, I realized I was always trying to express myself through my writing whether it was on my own Google website, Blogspot, Wordpress, Livejournal, even back on Myspace. (There are probably so many more attempts that I can’t remember but there have been A LOT! Maybe I was chronically online at a point in time…) I could never keep any of them going because I was too concerned with whether people were actually interested in reading what I had to say, not how I felt and if I enjoyed what I wrote.

I’ve been letting go of my fear of judgment and being perceived by people. (Letting go of control too, that’s the real uphill battle.) They’re going to have their own opinions and you can’t stop that, so I’m embracing being seen. Sharing my art, and especially my writing, has given me fulfillment I didn’t know I had been searching for and people messaging me that they relate to my words is the cherry on top!

Not only have I been sharing my art but also being more expressive with who I am and what I really feel. I’ve suppressed a lot, let situations that got to me roll off my back even when they still bothered me. I’ve had so many heart to heart conversations in December it’s crazy but it felt like the perfect time to get everything out in the open and start the new year off right.

My promise to myself is to keep going. Keep writing, keep sharing, and keep doing what feels good to me.

Ridin’ Solo Era

This year I learned that there is power in feeling comfortable enough to be alone, especially with your thoughts and the feelings you’ve been running away from instead of using different means to escape from what really needs to be addressed in your life. I love being able to get up and only worry about what it is that I want to do. I don’t think it’s selfish either.

I’ve wrote extensively about my solo trip to Hawai’i in “From Hawai’i, with Gratitude,” but I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself. Treating myself to museum visits and restaurants, bars and some shopping. I even remembered how much I actually love going to the theater to see movies and get the full experience.

This year was dedicated to me after years of pouring so much into others. Giving to the point of not having much left for myself. The thing about finally learning a lesson the universe has been trying to teach you is that now I feel like I’m running a victory lap. I’ve never been more content.

Now, I’m ready for my Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment, solo trip to Greece soon come?

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The fun thing about life is, you can do things at your own pace, when the timing is right for you. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience things I’ve only ever dreamt of. A trip to Hawai’i and emotional availability. A quiet mind and deeper connections with people who mean the most to me. I am very grateful to those who came before me, who showed me the way and I’m looking forward to what 2023 will bring as I finally allow myself to forge my own path.

Cheers to the new year! 🥂