Soul Mentorship

We all walk our own journey here on Earth and no two are exactly the same, though they may mirror each other at certain stages. I find that I often have older individuals placed in my path who have the expertise to guide me through the trials and tribulations that I am currently going through. They may not have experienced exactly what I went through but the wisdom they share often carries me to my next destination. You can hear advice from many different people but it won’t register on a soul level until it’s shared by another soul who sees and understands you. In honor of transparency, I can be rather stubborn and hardheaded so it takes me a few times and possibly even a few different people to help me learn a lesson for my soul’s growth.

Soulmates aren’t only romantic and if they were I believe our lives would feel much more lonely than it should. Platonic love is my focus right now. When it comes to platonic soulmates I see them and label them as “soul mentors,” lights that guide you in the direction your soul wants to grow, not in the way society expects you to.

I moved back to Newark from Brooklyn. I’ll write a blog about this in my own time when I’m more settled into my new normal. As far as work, and speaking of going home, I’m attempting to go work back in my old stomping grounds. They’re welcoming me back with open arms and for that I am forever grateful. My last position was mostly phone calls and calendaring and through part of me enjoyed putting the puzzle pieces together when it comes to scheduling meetings, I’m hoping to have a job more aligned with my passion of writing, poetry and children.

There are three main people I’d like to write about and how their souls have helped mine grow: Beth, John and Valerie. Our souls never quite let each other go! No matter the distance part of me felt there would be a time we would come back to each other. Seems my soul has more growing to do and it’s possible theirs do too! I’m looking forward to doing it together.

I worked as a receptionist and human resource assistant for Beth for a little over a year. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her. During my initial interview with her I felt intimidated. Though she was welcoming there is a certain intensity she gives off. Very no nonsense and stern in a way you need and what I would come to find out later, she and my mother share the same birthday. Two Scorpios! I refer to her as my work mother to this day. Her eye contact was so intense it made me squirm and when she asked me questions she would look deep into my soul and let the silence linger until the question she asked was answered. There is no such thing as an awkward silence with her.

All the eye contact definitely helped me with the confidence and self-esteem issues I was battling at the time. I was going through a rough patch in life and was experiencing terrible acne. This time in my life was sensitive and thankfully no one mentioned my condition. I didn’t want to but knew I had to continue to walk around with my head held high and proceed to look people in the eye when talking though with my neurodivergence, I still tend to look away when I’m searching my mind for the right words to speak.

Working with her is how I began to learn to speak up for myself and set up boundaries at work. There are some tasks that are nonnegotiable, true, but she allowed me to express discomfort when it came to presenting in front of upper management and yet she still encouraged me to do a presentation about myself at a staff meeting. This taught me the importance of showing up as who I am at work. Let people know I’m someone beyond Ashanti at work, especially as an HR professional. There is a balance to be had and it’s okay to be seen. It’s encouraged to actually. With letting myself be seen I began to see more of myself which in hindsight I realize has helped me with performing my poetry on stage.

I can be a bit of a pushover, a little selfless, I’m willing to go above and beyond but when it comes to leaving work on time…Oh I’m going to be on time. Every now and then I don’t mind staying a few minutes over but if you give an inch, a mile will often be taken. I learned the importance of prioritizing self. The work will be there tomorrow, it’s okay to take care of me. As an aside, the retirement age has been raised to 70 which is so unbelievable to me. We spend 50+ years of our life working and can only enjoy the fruits of our labor when our bodies are falling apart? I think not! I could go on a never ending tangent about this topic but I’ll stop here. I will say: it’s important to know that in a workforce you can be replaced, your energy and time are your biggest forms of currency.

Beth’s presence in my life as my work mother helped me with my issues with women, which I’m still working on. I don’t think so truly realized how severe my mommy issues were or how they can affect your relationship with women, yourself, men, and your finances. She showed me you can trust other women, you can confide in them and while this is something I know inherently, putting it into practice has always been rough for me. She shared sensitive information about herself and let me be a safe space to talk about things that I hadn’t shared with very many others. Not only that but she’s always been so inviting, even when I didn’t want to go! To be honest, I felt like why should I be at my bosses house when this relationship is just work but looking back it had extended far beyond that. She showed a kindness that still warms my heart. She would cook for the team and bake us goodies specifically for us, buy thoughtful presents and open her home to us and allow us to bend her ear during times of need. At the time it was exactly what my soul needed and I’m unafraid to say it’s exactly what I need once more.

After working for Beth I began working for John. Originally when offered the opportunity I didn’t want to take it. Whispers around the office said I would be working for Miranda from the Devil Wears Prada. There were even people telling me they were praying for me. Thank goodness either the prayers worked or I didn’t need them at all. I can’t tell. I’m happy I listened to my first mind and got to know him instead of listening to people’s judgements. I wish people extended me the same grace but the people who take the time to peel back my layers I adore to the fullest.

What I learned from Beth was built upon by working with John, my confidence skyrocketed being his assistant. The amount of phone calls I had to make was ungodly but I found as opposed to an email, which while easy to write can be just as easily ignored, when you call you would get exactly what you want: a quick yes or no. More often than not a phone call would get you that yes. Closed mouths don’t get fed. The importance of speaking up and just asking for what you need never became more clear.

More than work he taught me life lessons. I grew up in poverty. When you grow in those conditions you are stifled. I never considered what it meant for me, a project, welfare baby to have went to college and graduated and gotten such a great job, what it would all mean it the grand scheme of my life. To have been given the chance to leave the city, the state, and the country. Some people never leave their hometown. Gratitude. I learned gratitude. Also, some healthy pride. I am proud of how far I’ve come and the generational curses that I’ve broken for my bloodline.

He taught me to believe in myself again and to know there is a world outside of the one I grew up in. He sent me this song:

I get emotional every time I hear and sing along to it. The lyrics resonate with me so deeply. You have to be willing to step outside your comfort zone even if others don’t understand your vision for yourself, follow it anyway. Even if you have to do it alone, though in this season I’m learning that there is a big difference between me enjoying solitude while following my vision and isolating myself from those who care most for me. I’ll delve more into that with November’s blog.

John helped me find my inner voice and to him I’m forever grateful. I feel I can never thank him enough. He also taught me the unknown is something to embrace instead of letting it strike fear in my heart. When you grow up in poverty you feel you’re watering a dead garden, but I finally became the rose that grew from concrete. With the cards stacked against me I beat the odds! I never wanted to be another statistic.

While John taught me a lot when I quit he told me, “you taught me to be soft.” To know I could teach emotional sensitivity and vulnerability to the person who taught me to put myself first makes my heart swell. I’m happy we’ve both had a profound affect on one another. A true Cancer, me, and Aquarius, him, a dynamic duo. Two opposites and yet it works!

Along for the ride from before working for John and Beth was Valerie, who was with me since I was a wee little intern. She calls me “Lil’ Girl” to this day. I couldn’t help but saving the best for last! I could wax poetically about her. She makes my heart sing when I see her. If I could I would retire her to Panama like she always wanted though now that she’s a Granny officially I’m sure her dreams have changed. I just want her out of the office and enjoying her creative hobbies without monetary worries.

Through Valerie I've learned the importance of my Faith. When I was leaving the job she told me that she had prayed for me long before we ever became friends because she could tell I was the strong, silent type. Keeping everything to myself has not done me any good so I know now to give it to God if I feel I have no one else to talk to, He will be there for me. These days I'm trying to get over my stance on not making "co-worker friends," and Valerie helped challenge that stance and for that I am grateful. We are a cross-generational friendship, me being 28 and her being 72, I love that there is such an age gap and yet we can find common ground and make each other laugh especially. Nobody makes me laugh like her, besides a stand up comic maybe but that doesn't count.

Our friendship taught me we don't always have to see eye to eye but the respect has to be there. She didn't want me to quit with no backup but I had to, I had made my choice and she gave me this post it note that I kept in my wallet, in my photos and in my heart:

I'm unsure if she realizes how much her support in that moment positively affected me. Not only that, once I left she would still send me Bible verses on the daily, check in with me, we met a couple times to have lunch and stayed as close as two busy, creative women can. When I write my book, I have to dedicate a poem or two to her. I know she is an Earth Angel placed at my former and possible future workplace, maybe not just for me, but yes, just for me! The love I have for her knows no bounds.

I see myself in all of these people and I’m sure they see parts of themselves in me and that’s why I’ve stayed connected to each of them. Their souls have been guiding lights because they understand me and have helped me understand me on a deeper level than I ever knew possible. You'll recognize a soul mentor in your own life by paying close attention to the people who let you be you but not only that, it's the people who challenge you to be much more than what you are. Those who see you beyond your mask yet still allow you to wear it for as long as you feel but make sure you know your comfort zone is not a place you should live forever, even if you feel you could.