111 Notes

Personally, I prefer writing pen to paper but the subway isn’t the best place to go spilling your heart out. What’s been tripping me up and being consistent with my writing is thinking I have to write for a specific audience, when in reality I just have to write for myself. That’s one hurdle as a creative I’m hoping to get over soon. I’ve come to realize it’s not that I’m uninspired because inspiration is all around me but I spend too much time considering what people want to see or hear. I feel like I’m being untrue to myself because if I just wrote from my heart then people who align with me would find my message. Everything ain’t for everybody!

I know perfection doesn’t exist, though sometimes I do question this when I look in the mirror. I don’t think I’ve ever presented myself or my life as perfect. If anything, the more I share parts of myself, I’ve come to realize how messed up my life has been and yet I don't feel alone because I know most people are winging it and as unsure of what they’re doing in life as I am. No way do I have to have all the answers, know what comes next or how I’m gonna get there. I just have to be along for the ride and trust that it’ll work out how it’s suppose to. This year taught me the importance of being present and living in the moment.

That’s another hurdle to jump over. Growing up, my parent-teacher conferences were filled with “I wish I had a classroom full of Ashanti’s.” Trying to be perfect and live up to everyone’s expectations has affected my creative process entirely. If what I’m creating isn’t perfect the first time then I’m quick to give up and move onto the next project, which gets left unfinished as well if it’s not up to my unnecessarily high standards. I’m turning my focus back to consistency instead of perfection because at the end of the day, I have to follow my creative urges if I want to emotionally fulfilled in life. Feels daunting.