(24) Hours in Silence

Since I started journaling consistently almost three years ago, I’ve ran through at least seven journals (all unlined, I love freedom). I never like to read my old writing but I suppose every now and then I like to be reminded of how far I’ve come and what I’ve sacrificed to get here. A field of lavender flowers cover the journal I opened and I flipped to a random page and read that entry. May 2022, I wrote in purple ink about themes in my life that still persist today, old friends I’ve had to let go of, and how I wanted to spend 24 hours in silence because I know how much I over-consume to the point that I’m spending little time with my own thoughts. (Less running from them, more taking them in and then letting the thought pass.)

I wrote previously about overstimulating myself, to the point that my attention span is shot. I spend a lot of time switching between apps, scrolling mindlessly, if I’m not listening to music, it’s a podcast or a YouTube video, and God forbid I open Tiktok then I’m stuck in a loop for hours. So 12 am exactly, I threw my headphones across the room (that’s not true, I sat then down on the table next to me but I was going for dramatics here) and I spent the rest of the night twisting my hair in silence. At this point I’m 12 hours in, and I didn’t have any rules to this like if should I speak or not, how silent do I really want to be? But I can say I’ve been less anxious, sitting under the sun on a bench and singing songs to myself because my mind is mostly song lyrics anyway. It’s a nice change of pace and really I’m wondering how much writing can I get done, what can I create in this time now that I’ve quieted a part of my mind that never seem to shut off? I guess we’ll find out as the day progresses.