Calm Down

One thing about it, siblings truly know how to get under your skin. I spent this past weekend with my brother and sister and even took them to visit some of my family. My brother kept telling me to calm down and chill out when I would start telling him what to do, sure I get a little loud sometimes but not much pisses me off more than someone telling me to calm down when I'm already calm! Actually, it makes me want to do the exact opposite just because. The time we spent playing monkey in the middle, connect four and jumping on the trampoline was worth the few minutes of of us going back and forth.

It feels so good to be around children, their youthful energy is healing for me. I realize I just want to be a safe space for them, it's important to me to be someone I felt I was missing growing up. I don't want to be like the people who hurt me or neglected my emotions, I always want to make sure they feel comfortable enough to come and talk to and spend time with me. Besides the fact I had the worst sleep of my life because I missed my own bed, I look forward to my next visit.

It's been eight days without social media and instead of doom scrolling I've actually been accomplishing what I've been holding off on doing, so really I'm proud of myself. At the same time, I'm having withdrawls! I'm a little nosey, I like to know what everyone is up to, I wanna laugh at tweets and tiktok videos. Eventually, I'll learn balance without going to extremes but for now, I have to take advantage of those opportunity. May really is the month to shake my life up, so I gotta go with the flow, which is hard when you're so used to always being in control. In the end, my brother was right, I just gotta calm down.