From Hawai’i, with Gratitude
PREFACE
Written: Monday, October 17, 2022
Back in May, I wrote about how I never liked to go out and do things on my own, no movies, no restaurants, no bars, especially not for an extended amount of time. That was until my coworker invited me to use his Airbnb in Asbury Park for the weekend this August. I spent time with myself on the beach, reading and writing, got washed out in the waves and sat at a restaurant bar and had dinner. Always having someone else with me gave me comfort, a security blanket, but I’ve discovered the true freedom I’ve been wanting by doing things solo. As someone who is always considering other people, it felt good to finally only consider what it is I wanted to do.
I’ve spent a lot of time living a life I didn’t want for myself. How long can I stay in a position I excel at but feel so unhappy in? How long can you complain about being unhappy in your situation until you decide to make a change? Change doesn’t scare me anymore, not like it used it. I’ve realized I can adapt and even thrive given changing circumstances. I quit my job maybe two weeks ago and today would have been my last day if I had stuck to my guns, but instead I agreed to stay until the end of the month (they finessed me 100%).
I think I’ve spent a lot of time doing things for other people, especially as the older sister. (I want to write more about this topic, as soon as I figure out the words I want to say, we’re gonna come back to this). I’ve faced a lot of my own fears recently and finally learned the lessons that I was meant to learn. It feels like I finally woke up and now this stage of my life is all for me. I don’t feel guilty about living more selfishly than I used to because I’ve poured so much into other people, it’s my right to pour into myself.
There are so many plans that don’t make it outside of group chats with friends (my friends and I constantly send each other things we do together and somehow we never make it). If I’m always waiting on others for me to live out my dreams, I’ll never feel fulfilled, joyful, happy (or any other adjective you can think of). Instead I’ll spend a lifetime in regrets and what if’s yet again. I would have allowed other people to be the deciding factor in what I want to do and who I am or who they think I should be, and I’m over it. I do know that I don’t always want to be on someone else’s time.
This trip is all about me and I deserve that.
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I didn’t tell many people I was taking this trip because I didn’t want someone to talk me out of going, which also meant I didn’t have someone to run through my travel checklist with. Apparently, the moment I’m not traveling along side someone is when I forget the basics. Imagine my surprise when I realize the day before my trip that my ID had expired. I haven’t had that feeling in the pit of my stomach in so long, the feeling that you get when you just know something you’re excited about is about to fall through. I call the first person I could think of: my mother! She told me she was going to make sure I got on the plane. I’m calling the airline and my hotel, we’re googling, I’m even talking to my connects at the DMV. (Thanks Subrina!) Turns out, due to COVID, you can travel with your expired ID up to a year after it’s expiration. I felt like the luckiest person in the world!
FIRST DAY
The anxiety I felt the next morning still wondering if I’ll make it through TSA or how I was going to make it through an 11 hour plane ride, or even if I’ll make it back home after traveling so far away was overwhelming. I couldn’t help it I had to puke! (And this may feel like TMI, but I just had to express the extent of these feelings…) And just like puking after a fun night out, I was ready to conquer the world after.
I made it through TSA unscathed, just in time for breakfast, and boarded my flight. I truly don’t recommend taking an 11 hour flight, especially from economy. I bought so much stuff with my to make it through, my journal and colorful pens, two books (one I haven’t touch since before I left and another I’m sure I’ve correctly guessed the killer in, so I’m a bit reluctant to finish it), a little kids coloring book and crayons, a word search book, and a fidget spinner. Did all off these things help me? Just barely.
Once I arrived in Honolulu it was smooth sailing. A shuttle came and picked me up from the airport. This was my first chance to really have a look at the city and really just bask in the fact that I made it. Arriving in the early afternoon meant that the sun was warm on my face as we drove around an industrial area surrounding the airport. (Now that I think about it, it reminded me of the Elizabeth Seaport.) Once we started to drop people off at their hotels, you really got to see some of the real beauty of the island. It was such an amazing feeling to be surrounded by nature I had only seen in photos.
I arrived to the hotel to a welcome drink and the kindest staff. They were so professional and helpful. Letting the guy at the front desk know my pursuit of trying to eat my way through Oahu during this trip, he printed out a typed up list of his favorite restaurants. That’s automatically five-star service if you ask me.
I called and texted my family to let them know I had made it safely and after a shower, promptly passed out.
SECOND DAY
I woke up at 2 am (8 am EST) with no clue what to do but I knew I wanted to watch the sunrise on the beach. Four hours later I left the hotel and found a cute, cheery little açaí bowl shop. I set myself up for the picture perfect first morning and as it turns out, Waikiki Beach is more South than East and the sun rose behind the skyscrapers. It did feel good to wake up with the city, the birds chirping, the transition from night and day. This was also the perfect time of day to get in the water in such a touristy area.
After spending time on the beach, I had a proper breakfast and stumbled upon the perfect little nail salon. (By stumbled upon, maybe I had googled shops in the area.) I was so stressed the day before my flight that I was only able to make it to my eyelash appointment (first world problems, let me tell you), I hadn’t even had a chance to get my nails done.
I had the such a good conversation with the nail artist, Lynn. I learned about her children (she has three sons), her husband (they’ve been married 12 years), her father and mother and she taught me about the island. (Side note: I’ve come to learn about myself that I actually really love getting to meet and know new people. There is something so special about being able to connect with other people. Maybe the extroverts know something I hadn’t all along.)
When she told me my total is when it officially hit me that I wasn’t in New Jersey anymore. Was it worth it? Yeah, 100%.
The rest of my afternoon was spent at the Royal Hawaiian Center, which is along what was described to me as their “Rodeo Drive.” So many stores I wouldn’t even step into. I found a quiet place outside filled with Banyan Trees and read some of “The Therapist.” (For all my bookworms, if you like mystery with a splash of Lifetime Movie, I would recommend it actually.)
Excited for the 8-hour (turned 12-hour) island tour I had planned for the next day, I went home early.
THIRD DAY
The tour started at 7:30 am, but I woke up earlier and went to a really popular coffee shop on the island called Island Vintage Coffee. (Now I know my fellow iced coffee connoisseurs know, local shops are sometimes a hit or miss, but this place had the best coffee I’ve ever had in my life.) This became my routine pretty much: wake up early, grab a coffee or breakfast and spend the early mornings on the beach journaling, relaxing, and being completely jealous of the surfers. (Them trying to teach us how to swim in high school just didn’t stick with me, now they’ve got me looking for adult swim classes.)
At our first stop on the tour, I asked the girl next to me to take a photo of me, I needed proof I had actually been where I said I was. Proof for myself as well, because the views were so beautiful, it was almost unbelievable. It really meant a lot to me having Kat, someone who doesn’t know me, look out for me throughout the tour. Just because I was traveling solo didn’t mean I wanted to be feeling lonely. I took photos of her family and she took photos of me, we laughed and got to know each other, and of course bonded over food. We discussed the importance of family and community, traveling and gaining different perspectives, and our plans for the future.
Our tour guide was so knowledgeable, though after so long of listening to him it felt like I was listening to a podcast I just couldn’t turn off. We learned some of the deep history about Hawai’i, from the very beginning into the monarchy ruling of the island into (being stolen by) joining the United States. We were shown where the stars lived in their million dollar homes juxtaposed to how the locals lived and their homelessness problem. (In the end, the city was similar to any of major city I had been to in that the rich live richly and right down the road some people don’t even have a penny to their name. Sleeping in encampments and along the beach. Not shocking but still sad to see.)
This tour was my favorite things I had been part of the whole trip because we got out of the city and into nature. We ended the day at the Dole Plantation. We drove past fields of pineapples and coffee plants planted in red, iron filled soil. Looking at myself in the mirror I didn’t feel I belonged on anything called a plantation (which was mostly a gift shop) so I stayed outside and got finessed. There was a small jewelry stand outside with a sign that read “choose two!” I chose two oysters and in each, enclosed in each was two pearls. Two friends even cheered me on as the girl working the stand cracked them open for me. My luck just kept increasing!
Turns out your pearls need a pendant to be mounted on and your pendant needs a chain. I walked away feeling pretty luxurious not going to lie.
Was this the second day someone on the island had robbed me? Yes. Did I regret this purchase? No way.
I ended the night at a little bar, that didn’t actually sell alcohol, eating garlic chicken poolside.
FOURTH DAY
I love museums and I love history (I’m a gossip girl). It only felt right that I spend time getting to know more about the place that I was visiting. I learned about their Gods, the first people, how the monarchy was created, passed down and ended, amongst other things. The planetarium was showing a short movie on how people use the stars to navigate to different islands, even as recently as 2009. Such a skill to learn because to remember the stars, their names, and constellations is one thing, then to apply them to the direction of your boat and where you’re going is a crazy talent to me.
On my way back home from the museum, I had such a lovely conversation with my Uber driver. He told me while I was here I had to visit Diamond Head Crater. I never had any intention on going, though the tour guide from the day before was telling me how it was a pretty easy hike. Easily convinced, I reserved my spot for 6 am the next morning for a hike up the crater in time for the sunrise the next day.
I made it back at the Royal Hawaiian Center in time for the end of a hula performance, with another planned for an hour after. I made sure to stick around. Outside of the center are two stands, one for fresh juice and the other for shave ice. I tried passion fruit juice the day before and the shave ice on this day. It looked cute, delicious even, and this is how I know maybe my palate is more East Coast, or undeveloped. Along with shave ice, there were other foods that just weren’t for me, like spam musubi, but I loved trying the local cuisine either way.
I met a woman named Dortha, she was traveling with her husband and kids for a year. (I would have loved to do this as a kid!) They gave up their apartment in San Diego, and were spending four months in Hawai’i, a couple weeks in Japan, then Australia and Hungary to visit both sides of her family. I think I would have loved to stay for that long and really get to learn the area, the customs and get a sense of what it felt like to basically live there. On the other hand, I would miss my family so much (for sure I called them more than they called me).
Eventually the hula show started. These people had traveled from miles away just to put this show on and I had front row seats. I tried to be more present, so I didn’t take too many photos or videos. During the performance the MC gave us history of hula for their people and then the women chants, played instruments and danced the night away surrounded by everyone. (Very nerve wracking, but they did so well! Big standing ovations.)
My night ended on the beach, under the moon and stars.
FIFTH DAY
By this time I felt so smart for staying on Eastern time, instead of trying to switch my sleep schedule. Another 6 am day.
The Uber dropped me off at a tunnel that didn’t open until exactly 6 am. There was already a line ahead of me, but it was so quiet and once the tunnel opened it felt like we were marching to war. (I know it sounds dramatic, but you have to understand the pace we were walking at.) Once we made it to the main trail of the hike is when I realized I had been bamboozled! This so called easy hike, had me breathing like an asthmatic.
Eventually, I stopped keeping pace with everyone and took the time to stop, catch my breath, take photos and just enjoy. Being in the moment has been so important to me lately, taking things slower and just enjoying. I even got a chance to sit down and journal what I saw and felt in that moment. Once I made it to the top I felt proud! I did it all on my own, at my own pace. (There’s a metaphor for life somewhere in here.) I had met a few couples along the way, so kind in their words, telling me they were proud of me. (A little validation never hurt anyone.) One couple even took photos of me to commemorate the moment.
As it turns out, hiking down is 100 times easier than hiking up. After 2 hours, I survived hiking Diamond Head Crater, and decided to treat myself to a shower and breakfast. I spent the rest of the day, walking the shore line, just enjoying.
SIXTH DAY
I spent the entire day on the beach.
FINAL DAY
By this time, I’m kind of homesick. I’m missing the pressure of the shower in my bathroom and the sanctuary that is my room. I’m even watching my favorite comfort show to pass the time.
The flight back took 9 excruciating hours, but I made it back in one piece so I won’t complain beyond that.
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Arguably, I am the most productive person when I get home from a trip. I’ve given almost all of the souvenirs away and washed and put away all of my clothes (no leaving your clothes in the suitcase for months over here). They still smell like Hawai’i to me. Maybe it’s too soon to say take me back, but I really look forward to the days where I’m back on the beach at 6 am, waiting for the sunrise, coconut and macadamia nut flavored coffee in hand. There is a certain ease to the way they live their lives that I didn’t know I’ve been needing. We live so fast pace on the East Coast and that I know I could benefit from taking life a little slower.
As a society we’ve come so far, technologically especially, it makes no sense that we don’t get to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Somehow we’ve made life more complicated by advancing. I feel COVID has shown we don’t need go work as hard as we do, for as many hours as we do because we can still get what we need to accomplished. How different our lives would be if we were allowed to have more downtime, more relaxation time. If we were given the chance to enjoy the world that we live in, instead of having to overwork ourselves, our human experience would be that much more enjoyable.
This trip has further solidified my already changing perspective on the life I truly want to live. For that I am forever grateful.
xoxo
808
