talk to me nice

My mother took a combined biology lecture/lab course during her final semester of university and immediately wanted to start a landscaping business. She gave up on her newest venture after her first few exams and instead comes home with a new plant every week. Our house is slowly being filled and aesthetically I love it, but I did not inherit her green thumb. (I’ve killed a succulent or six in my day.)

Some days I’ll catch her talking and singing to them. Her words are kind, she compliments them. Admiring their growth.

“It helps them grow, you better start talking to them too,” she says.

—

I’ve been dealing with negative self-talk since childhood.

In jest — “I’m so stupid!”

In comparison to others — “I’ll never be as pretty, as smart, as accomplished…”

Feeling stuck and stagnant in life — “I’m never going to be anything.”

My insecurities were at an all time high in middle and high school. I took that out on people. My relationships were worse, I was meaner to those who cared the most for me. I was doing myself a disservice, staying in friendships and not setting boundaries, allowing myself to be sometimes be walked over. I followed more gossip pages on Instagram reveling in the drama of complete strangers, happy to see them as unhappy as me.

I was unhappy.

As I’ve grown, I’ve had a lot of time to think about where many of my insecurities came from. They were mostly the words of other people, about how they felt about me (or people who looked like me), coupled with my own self doubt. Not to make this sound simple but one day I just decided I didn’t want to feel so negatively about myself anymore. I had to take the steps to fix it, and I started with changing the way I spoke about myself, to myself and to others.

Positive self-talk isn’t even something I’ve mastered, I’m not so sure you ever do. I still struggle with it. Recently, I’ve been having a lot of skin issues, of my own doing (please never overdo it trying too many new products, the simpler the routine the better) and it’s been hard looking back at what my skin used to look like. When I catch myself saying “ugh, my skin is going to be bad forever,” I try to find something about it that I do like, or I switch up the wording. I try to acknowledge my (perceived) flaw and not ignore my feelings, but let it be known it’s not something that defines me. It doesn’t take away from who I truly am as a person.

Now I catch myself spending a lot time in the mirror. Admiring and talking to myself in a mirror. I’ve hung positive phrases and affirmations on the wall besides my bed and throughout the day I take time to repeat them aloud. I try to catch my friends when I hear them talking down on themselves, especially as jokes. This all works for me.

At 23, this is the prettiest I’ve ever felt. The most confident.

If you have to talk kindly to plants to help them grow, what do you think’ll happen when you talk to yourself the same?

So I challenge you, as I’ve been challenging myself, be kinder to yourself. Taking it one day at a time is enough to change your mindset.

And I’ll be right here with you.

♡