lately…

“You’re pushing thirty,” is my thirteen year old sister’s favorite phrase for me. While she’s not wrong because I turned twenty-nine in July, I’d like for her to slow it down just a bit. I asked her, “will you still love me when I turn thirty?” She responded, “is grass green?” I never felt more loved.

This last year of my twenties did not feel meaningful but I find that, as I type this, it’s rather magical. I’m so grateful to be here, living in a blessing that I had stayed up plenty of nights praying for. I catch myself though, pondering about what the future holds. I have a problem with staying present, but I promise I’m working on it. Why focus on the next blessing when I’m living in one? Joy. I’m welcoming that more into my life. Laughter too. Genuinely, loudly and obnoxiously. Apologies to my neighbors.

I’m not allowing anyone into my apartment unless they ready to dance battle me, because they not out singing or out rapping me. They can choose whichever talent they want to show off before they come in. I’ve been feeling silly, goofy and loving being in my own energy. My place is coming together and not as slowly as I anticipated. I’m craving more art, a real necessity, but it’s feeling so cute and colorful! A green sofa, rainbow pillows, pink curtains, fresh flowers every week and even recently, a cute little board filled with pictures of some of the people I care for. And myself. A lot of selfies but hey, ya’ll know me enough to know: I be feeling myself!

I’ve been cooking a lot too. Does every meal come out amazing? I won’t lie: yes…and if it doesn’t take like it, at least it looks good. Presentation is half the battle anyway. Would you rather eat ugly food that tastes good or beautiful food that tastes bad? Neither if it was up to me. I’m trying to learn recipes I grew up enjoying and also freestyling and trying different flavors but the truth is, I know what I like and would rather not stray. Half of adulthood feels like the bills, the other half feels like what am I eating next.

I listened to Gospel while I cleaned up over the weekend, this is when I knew I had reached a new level of maturity. I also wrote a love letter to myself. I don’t want to keep looking for it outside of me, it’s within.